I folded the letter into two and gave him. He was looking dull and sad. I could read it on his face that he didn't like the idea of committing a suicide together. Unwilling, he too signed it and I snatched the letter back, put it under the pillow. Pulling him by hand, I made him walk out of our home. We had been there for sixteen years, together, celebrating, playing and jumping around. The memories were embossed onto every brick. Our parents loved us.
He paused to have one last look, deep and long, and we moved on. He was panicky, his heart weighed heavier, his pace slowed down behind me. A few minutes later, on the dark road, he finally collapsed onto his knees calling out for me. I was quite busy in my own thoughts to notice that he was lacking behind me. I turned back and called him to catch up. He looked up at me, a blaze raging in his eyes that dug the guilt of taking him along with me.
He paused to have one last look, deep and long, and we moved on. He was panicky, his heart weighed heavier, his pace slowed down behind me. A few minutes later, on the dark road, he finally collapsed onto his knees calling out for me. I was quite busy in my own thoughts to notice that he was lacking behind me. I turned back and called him to catch up. He looked up at me, a blaze raging in his eyes that dug the guilt of taking him along with me.
"If that's how it ought to be, I'm not coming.” he shot the words with a power I've never seen in him. Yes, I am the one who was guilty. I didn't study well, I failed my exam. The pressure was too much on me. Father hated me. Mother felt that I was insensitive to their concern. I indeed was. But, why him? It's been sixteen years and father still fed him. Deep in the heart, a soft corner to let us cherish was always evident in his jovial smile.
"Why are we to die brother?” he pleaded. I was stubborn and I was already speaking before I realised I was. I uttered, “We have failed an examination. We are losers. All we knew was to be a nerd. Today, we broke that only title. Who are we now today? Losers. Why live? Let's die. Come.” I stretched my hand out for him. He didn't move. Instead he muttered, “It’s been a boon to live. Since ages had a man lived without passing any examination. Our parents wish we live. Remember how dad and mum would feel at the death of our cousin? The house went gloomy for what I felt like ages. They are two smiling people who wish we live and let them rest when they need to. They don't expect us to feed them, all they expect is for us to live and earn a living. They are not going to be happy with what we shall do.
After all, what did we do? We failed an examination. A girl didn't like you. What about the hundreds of those worthless exams we cleared in a higher distinctions? Don't they count? Don't we deserve, thus, to live a hundred lives more. Don't we like each other? How add a life to each when die for someone not liking you? I am not coming. We had seen lives devastated. We had seen how crippled could live. We had heard of people, learnt of many more who grew their own food, ate and survived. We have a life today. We are humans. To err is human. We shall correct it. What do you think is easy? Jumping off a cliff or laughing at yourself on a Facebook post that reads, "A failure is all I need, to dry my bottle and throw the weed"? I prefer the second. I am walking back. I can live. You can come back." he stood up, turned away and walked.
I was determined and walked to the edge of cliff. Today, looking down at it, I feel afraid of death. Living a life is much easy. I close my eyes and jump in, but only after I turn around. "Here I come, world." I hopped and danced and ran back to my home. He disappeared into my own deeper self. Quickly I pulled out the letter and burnt it to Ashes. "Life is a gift, live It." the oldest song played on the radio and I slept in peace.
I lost my little examination. I will pass the biggest, my life.
P.S. : It is not about me. I was trying to just reproduce the old suicide note, if you remember.
"Why are we to die brother?” he pleaded. I was stubborn and I was already speaking before I realised I was. I uttered, “We have failed an examination. We are losers. All we knew was to be a nerd. Today, we broke that only title. Who are we now today? Losers. Why live? Let's die. Come.” I stretched my hand out for him. He didn't move. Instead he muttered, “It’s been a boon to live. Since ages had a man lived without passing any examination. Our parents wish we live. Remember how dad and mum would feel at the death of our cousin? The house went gloomy for what I felt like ages. They are two smiling people who wish we live and let them rest when they need to. They don't expect us to feed them, all they expect is for us to live and earn a living. They are not going to be happy with what we shall do.
After all, what did we do? We failed an examination. A girl didn't like you. What about the hundreds of those worthless exams we cleared in a higher distinctions? Don't they count? Don't we deserve, thus, to live a hundred lives more. Don't we like each other? How add a life to each when die for someone not liking you? I am not coming. We had seen lives devastated. We had seen how crippled could live. We had heard of people, learnt of many more who grew their own food, ate and survived. We have a life today. We are humans. To err is human. We shall correct it. What do you think is easy? Jumping off a cliff or laughing at yourself on a Facebook post that reads, "A failure is all I need, to dry my bottle and throw the weed"? I prefer the second. I am walking back. I can live. You can come back." he stood up, turned away and walked.
I was determined and walked to the edge of cliff. Today, looking down at it, I feel afraid of death. Living a life is much easy. I close my eyes and jump in, but only after I turn around. "Here I come, world." I hopped and danced and ran back to my home. He disappeared into my own deeper self. Quickly I pulled out the letter and burnt it to Ashes. "Life is a gift, live It." the oldest song played on the radio and I slept in peace.
I lost my little examination. I will pass the biggest, my life.
P.S. : It is not about me. I was trying to just reproduce the old suicide note, if you remember.