You better say it

Ten minutes past ten PM, my phone was singing non-chalantuously at around 3 to 5 "ti-ding"s per minute as I was chatting with an eighth class friend of mine. Ten years of friendship, the next day was her birthday and my wishes were heart-warming. A smile on my ever-serious face was very obvious given the fact that I had a crush on her nine years ago. My mom quickly got pricked from the mother-in-law soaps she was watching to focus on my texting. She asked me, "who was it?" I answered it as plainly, "Vivek." By the time I put my fears back and opened my phone, she was gone. Half past ten and she would sign off more punctually than I would do at my office, and I hate my office.

Nothing has changed in the past ten years. I still lie to my parents about things as simple as a friend's birthday. I'm used to it. I'm used to the system that sees boy-girl friendships to be out of the box. I'm used to the system that takes my GPA as a measure of my skills. I'm used to the process that determines whether I'll be an engineer or doctor when I grow up. I'm used to daydreaming of how I will try to be an ideal parent by breaking the stereotypes I have been through. I'm trying to say that we know, very precisely, everyone of us knows that we are suppressed, stressed and strained to adapt to these conditions. Most of us succeeded too, becoming the normal average teenagers ( the package includes dreams of being a teen superstar in a future) from the notorious extreme fraternities. Those who could not adapt were seen to be thrown off, outlawed and defamed. They were the bad kids, as people would say.

You cannot deny this fact. I know that most of us manipulate things. I may be a zero on ten, but none of you is a ten on ten either. Exceptions inclusive. I don't know if it had been there in the previous generations, if our parents did the same to their grandparents. I don't care about asking. But I know that everyone of us, whosoever fails in establishing a moderately good communication with parents is going to be stressed. I'm not asking you to go tell your parents that you over drank in the hostel last night, and kicked the shit out of M.Techies last night, but just tell them you had a party. I'm saying I should have started telling them 9 years ago, or anywhere down the line, that it was some girl and not Vivek. Things would have been lot more easier.

I'm a very successful man at life, at least my friends think so, and so does the general society I meet. I'm decently educated, pursue a honoured profession, bring big bags of money home, and treat my juniors amply (if I meet them.) What they don't know is how successful do I consider myself to be. Communication with teenagers is my bread and butter. I've known and seen that the least stressed kids are always those who speak frankly to their parents. After all, that's whom you learnt to speak from. After all, they're those people with whom you'd spend majority of life before marriage. After all, they're the people who would support you when you are broke, or when your bone is broken. After all, they're the people who spent years of theirs into carving you. It's very important that the sculptor knows the sculpture before its finishing touches. 

I don't see myself to be successful because I can't share my heart with them. Nothing I'd do would ever connect to them. I've moved too far. When I'm happy, I'd like to go on drives. My parents think it's a fuel waste. When I'm bored, I play pool over a beer. My parents think... Well, I'm not so mad to tell that to them. When I'm sad, I just need lone walks. My parents think I'm sad and try to ask it out. But, the matter is deeply buried under a million lies. I can't disturb the mire just for one gold wire. I let it go. And the mire deepens.

This vicious cycle has got me, kids. And I know, despite my well-being, that I terribly regret moving out of home, and my inability to share myself to my parents. Most of you still have a chance to open things up, all you need to ready is for four or five tough days at max. Just try saying things out, making friends out of your parents. It is not a movie going on here, that your parents will magically understand your thoughts. They're resistant to every possible change, even your sleep timings. You're flexible, because you're still amateur. Take the initiative, let them know what and how deep do you think. Maybe, just maybe, if you succeed, you'll have 2 more friends in your friend list. But they'll be unlike those 1000 others out there who don't give a fudge about you. They'll be like your mom and dad. Please interact.

Shudh Desi Pyaar

Valentine's week is brought into practice to increase the sales of gift industry. Did anyone say no? A recent Hindu festival came to limelight after the jewellery industry found it a good business. It's not new to make a day special to make some pennies. That is so until it doesn't really affect your life. Now, imagine I market for Kingfisher and I'll ask you to drink beer saying it helps you stay hydrated in the hot summers. Not everyone of you will nod as readily, given that most of us know the ill-effects of alcohol. But what if I bring a new realm of business whose effects on your life are too prolonged to understand? Or interpret? What if I ask you to drink coffee every evening saying it helps you burn fat by increasing metabolism? Well, I'll be confused at this. So, I was speaking about physical processes and it's simple to decide given that Internet can help you with statistics and science. 

Now, imagine I'm playing with a psychological process, something that statistics can't have a take on, something that science is too uneasy to believe in. For example, love. No, not the love for your mom or sibling, not the one for your best friend forever. I'm speaking about love, pyaar, ishq, kaadal, prema between a guy and a girl before they get married. And the fact that, that word is the one I know in so many languages tells you how exaggerated it is. This is a excerpt of how overrated young love in India is.

Well, first of all, is it being overrated? Yes, look at all the movies and songs around you. Look at your playlist. I bet at least half of all of it is about love. Falling in love, being in love, making love, missing your love and so on. Now look at how love plays in your life? I mean, you don't waste around 80% of day around it. If you're on a rescue-op in Kuwait, you wouldn't spend 40 minutes of your 3 hours into thinking and dreaming of love. And even if you do, you won't be imagining yourself and your love in a foreign garden dancing in sync, or cruising in a white Lamborghini in New Delhi past midnight. Does anyone object? The amount of life you spend into love is not as great as portrayed. 

How many love stories end up as a "and they lived on happily ever after?" In movies, I'll say 99%. In real lives? You know the numbers well. The entertainment media is indeed exaggerating love. Making it overrated. Remember your childhood being full of superheroes and Cartoon Network? I bet everyone wanted that magic pencil, or Pikachu. Maybe, you wanted to run like flash or own a bat-mobile? The influence factor remaining same, the issues get a tad bit realistic because now you'll have people in your life.Everything else remains same. You're still being influenced.

I have to describe my personal experience here. I can say that I've not watched more than 50 movies in the past 5 years and I'm clear of the influence cloud. Now I'm scared to watch a movie or tv series because, I'll catch a real strong scent of whatever that media conveys. And because I read regularly, it would not hit my psyche so strongly at once. It's like any other drug addiction. The first tequila after a six month cleanliness will hit stronger than a couple of dry martinis would have when you were in habit. So, the kind of media you follow affects you. And if it's a typical Indian movie, then , my dear friend , you definitely give this feeling more attention than needed.

All comments welcome. To be continued.

I'm trying

I'm trying to put forward a thought, the one which is often not sought,

a thought that'd source the humanity back, which any advancement should not lack, 

that of being the supreme by the minds, right when artificial intelligence unwinds, 

to be the better animals of the nature, never giving up that animal stature.

I'm trying to give an orthodox approach, to how we parent kids, teach and coach, 

because a robot shouldn't be tending your kids, no matter how it sells on the bids, 

for the rate of change of generations, is peaking with a great impatience, 

we will be left powerless by the day, we realize that the technology has played its way.

I'm trying to resist the average orthodox being, while deciding my share in their well being, 

by studying what I feared the most, about the thoughts a child would host, 

for if you don't give parent like your dad, your kids would end up being dumber than you had, 

the advancement would slow down to zero, and you'd end up not being any hero.

I'm trying to work out my means towards our ego, that makes us superior wherever we go, 

in a way that had been there since the start, of which you and I had been a part. 

We may have moved from candles to lasers, but still you'd trust a barber with the razors, 

because we all love our own life, even if you have a commanding mad wife.

I'm trying to say that humans need to live on, and kids of our race are to be born, 

not these automated intelligent man-mades, as the intelligence behind them fades.

Please use science to make life easy, and increase the survival, believing that we are the fittest. Letting our creations, of metal and wood, to take control of us, is something we should detest. Your parents would never like it when you don't have it their way. And when you become wise enough, chances are that they were always right. You'd never want a machine that wouldn't behave as you say. If you'd let your tech-blindness bluff, the future will not be as bright.

Musings

One fine night gliding on the highways in India...

The thundering skies and the golden moon, the nature has bestowed us such a boon,
ain't no golden necklace to be seen, fireflies in the forest we've been.
Guarded by current poles and quizzing trees, hairs flowing in the drizzly breeze,
little plants waving us a goodbye, tiny villages dozing as we pass by.

The black clouds are drifting in the starless night, the black trees are dancing against the light,
the road was damp and smelled of hay, as the universe and I went on our way.
_____________________________________________________________________________

Recently, a kid was explaining me the meaning of "aham brahmasmi" as "I am the infinite reality." The conception sounded paradoxical and inconsistent, given the fact that there are many of us and each of us would have an own infinite realities. That would mean that there is a bigger infinity out there that includes all our little infinities. The wording of "brahma (the infinite, mind you not a infinite)" would stand meaningless and that means that the entire statement would collapse. I always believed that the scriptures were mostly misread or misinterpreted and a little Wikipedia research showed that I was right.

The conception was based on aham (I) not being limited to the person me, but being above all the perceptions of a humanitarian existence. So, to understand that the entire universe is a manifestation of you is to eliminate every possible difference every bacterium and virus, plant and animal, bread and metal, you and I, Earth and moon, sun and Sirius and the entire universe itself. This elimination of differences only comes when you find a common entity that binds up all these. If you look at all these different things in the world, saying that they are different from atomic levels, we can only find something common when we dive deep into religion or physics. That is when we try to understand that all the matter around is just objectification of energy, energy at rest being concentrated over a certain limit.

Understanding that energy is the ultimate reality of this infinite is the truth. The existence of a human being, or for that matter, the race itself is nullified because of its negligible importance. While the statement sounds like a monarch egoist's tagline, it is indeed working the exact opposite. Yeah, energy-mass equivalence holds true. Aham Brahmasmi. 

Farewell

Timid and stammering speech, wasn’t it? Something so normal, wasn’t it? Well, it takes a lot of guts to speak the truth, stark and naked reality. It takes some time to realise the effect of the happening present. That’s why we have reminiscences and regrets, about the past. Remember the day you proposed, or received a proposal? That feeling of love? That’s what I exactly felt. I was expressing my love in the most simple words I could.

It has been a wonderful journey with all you people, and maybe, a surprise farewell speech couldn’t suffice it. Maybe, a few more things to be said. The day I had joined Meccademia, I had no idea about what I was getting into. I had no idea of how deep impressions I could make, or how significant I’m going to be. I never knew the feel of it before. As the time passed by, I had learnt how to teach, more practically. If there is one strength I consider in myself, it is my capability to connect with you, speak (try to) a language which you consider yours. Thanks for teaching me that. Thanks for teaching me how to teach. I’m a good student and you better know how well have I learnt my job.

I had learnt how different atmospheres of students are. I had learnt to adapt myself, and my speech to students. Everyone of you is unique. I had learnt to sleep at 4 and wake up at 8, and still make my most productive days. This would not have been possible without the inspiration called you. A few of you should not have been studying science, a few should have been ‘learning’ science, and a few of you, well, though you don’t realise what you’re doing, you’re doing it well. I had been letting you know all these in person since an year, and if you still want a suggestion or comment, you know me.

I had learnt, in a very precise manner, how parenting affects a child. I had never realised this significance before. Maybe, one reason more I felt I had to be in India is that I had not been around with my parents for 6 years since. I had changed a lot, almost everything from what I had been 6 years ago. I felt the desperate need to connect back with my roots, wherever they are. You were all my experimental subjects, and may be someday down the line, I’ll be helping someone else, in a better way because you shared your stories with me. Don’t be surprised if you meet me someday, maybe as a parents counsellor, somewhere, when you’ve got kids to bring up.

I had learnt physics with a clear mind than you. I too never understood most of the great science back then. I had to mug it up. It just took a lot of practise and considerable observation before the clouds cleared off, and the sun shone bright. So will it happen with everyone of you. Right practise and allocation of ample time towards anything will take you to its own Everest. Some might realise that right now, some a year later, and some, maybe, a decade later. If I had been an appeasing wind, pushing the clouds away, even by the slightest amount, I would be highly delighted to having been there. The process of learning should never end, and till the last correction in calculations in SE-3 today, I had been learning. Thanks for clearing my thermodynamics, fluids and more, every single subject of which I had failed someday in my career. If my college degraded my intellect, it is you people, the handwork you have put into it (all my good students especially) and the dedication you have showed towards the subject, that has revived my love towards physics. So, in case I love physics, the reason is you.

I had understood how significant the people around a person can affect them. Your friends form an integral part of your life. You don’t realise how can a good group around turn a playful you into a hardworking good student, or a bad group around can make a random cheapo flirt out of a hardworking good student. Neither do I. But, I think parents tell you this, very precisely. Listen to them for once, you’ll only understand what big difference can these tiny points make, only after 20 years from now. If they’re telling you that some X is a bad influence, then keep away from X. Simple. It may take you a month or two to come out of that feeling, but it is worth the pain. EVEN IF X IS EQUAL TO A RELATIONSHIP.

I had always been a man of concept and handwork. It doesn’t matter to me what answer you get, as long as your procedure is right. I don’t care about the 99 you get, I’m more worried about the 1 you lost. If you had worked hard enough for 100, there is not a simple complaint I have against you. If may not pay you like an IIT-B, it may not take you into MIT, but, as and when needed, it’ll make you stand high above your peers. And on the contrary, even if you manage an MIT but do not give your best every day, every moment, someday shall come when you’ll collapse like a pack of cards. In Hindu mythology, it is known by a concept called ‘Karma” Know it this way. Whatever you do to the universe, it’ll return to you. Something like our law of conservation. So, do good, and leave. It’ll come back when it needs to. Maybe, like your really surprising farewell. I was so stunned by the way you had planned it. Whoever was the mastermind behind this, a special thanks to you.

I’ll tell you a delight about freedom from people. It’s a dime, the one you feel when your parents go to work and you’re free to turn on your system for fun. It’s a coin, when you’re alone and free and get to hang out with your friends, or maybe your bae. It’s a 100 dollar bill when your parents go on a vacation for a week, and leave you at your bae’s place. It’d be a stack of those bills, the moment you get to your college hostels, like literally, you would be feeling it in your pockets. It’ll be a case of those stacks the first day you pick up a job. You can make a thin bed of that money, and sleep on it, if you wish.

But, not any of it is comparable to this joy I feel, for all the love you had shown. Along human course, we have developed a beautiful understanding of the universe called Mathematics. It gave us, amongst many other revelations, numbers, which helped us to quantify most of the things in our life. We can give a price to everything around today, including human kidneys, eyes and even life. But, just like physics has an end when someone why does the universe exist, the Math also has an end when we ask it to quantify human emotion. May be some gifts are more about the affection they carry than about their prices. May be, some gifts are worthier than most other salaries. May be, a farewell day’s love is more enchanting than a full year handwork you put to deserve it. May be that’s what John Green meant, some infinities are bigger than other infinities.

“I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.”